I'll Be There
by Amtamburo
Summary: This is not an AU. The story takes place after the end of the original story. In this, everything that happened in the MSS did happen, and Jack did die... but... he is being given a chance to let Ennis know how he feels and ease his overwhelming grief.
1. Prologue

**_Title:_** I'll Be There  
**_Rating:_** PG - for now  
**_Pairing:_** Ennis/Jack  
**_Summary:_** This is not an AU exactly in that it takes place after the end of the original story. In this, everything that happened in the M/SS did happen, and Jack did die… but… he is being given a chance to let Ennis know how he feels and ease his overwhelming grief… I can't say more… it would spoil it… let's just say it is a bit sad… but hopefully the ending will be happy.  
**_Disclaimer:_** Although they are not mine... they will live in my heart forever...  
**_Feedback:_** Yes, please... let me know whatcha think.  
**_Author's Note:_** This story is inspired by a song, 'I'llBe There", by 'The Escape Club'. I have loved it for years, and somehow it just makes me think of what Jack might say to Ennis if he was able to talk to him. I posted the lyrics in the 'Pix with Poems' thread on http/ and from that point on, the plot bunny wouldn't quit hopping up and down on my head!

_**I'll Be There**_

_**Prologue**_

"Jack… wake up, honey."

Jack felt a cool reassuring hand on his burning hot cheek, and without thinking, he leaned his face into it.

The hand gently stroked his cheek and brushed his hair out of his face.

"Come on, Jack, time to wake up." The voice cajoled and the cool hand stroked across his face again, brushing hair away from his tightly closed eyes.

Jack didn't want to wake up. His whole body felt strange, no pain, just strange, weightless, and buoyant, as if he could float away if he only wanted to. He wanted to just lie there.

"Come on my little, Pumpkin Pie," the voice said again, this time softer and more affectionate.

_Pumpkin Pie?_ Jack thought, _ain't no one called me that in nearly thirty years! Only person ever called me that was Grammie Turner, and she died when I was ten! _

"Grammie?" Jack whispered, his voice sounding hoarse and dry to his own ears.

"Yes, child, I'm here. Time to open those blue eyes a yer's and listen fer a minute."

"…but you can't be my Grammie, she's dead."

"That's right child, now sit up and let me see ya… been far to long, and time is goin' by. We ain't got much if'n we're goin' ta do this thin'."

The voice sounded firmer now, and reminded him of the time when he was eight, and had been climbing the apple tree out behind the barn. He had fallen and scraped himself up pretty good, and while his grandmother was cleaning him up and putting on antiseptic that stung like fire she had sternly lectured him about being more careful.

"What thin'?" Jack asked, his head clearing some, although that buoyant, weightless feeling did not leave him. Finally, he opened his eyes; though it took great effort on his part to will them open.

Looking around, he saw that he was in a small white room. The only furniture in the room was the narrow bed on which he laid, and a little table near the door that held an old-fashioned pitcher and bowl.

"Where am I?" He asked, confused and feeling a bit scared now. Looking around again, he spotted a familiar figure on the other side of the bed. He hadn't seen his grandmother in thirty years, but he would have known her anywhere.

She smiled fondly, and touched his cheek again.

"Grammie," Jack said, his voice strained and fear coursing through him as he stood up from the bed, "where are we, and how can ya be be here… unless… am I … dead?"

"I'm sorry, child… I truly am. Wish I didn' have ta be the one ta tell ya, but they thought it might be better, fer ya ta hear it from someone ya know."

"No…" Jack said, his voice raw and desperate. "No… I can' be dead! I never got ta… Oh, God… Ennis… I nev'r tole him… I want'd ta… but I never did… he needs me… he don' know it, but he does…" Letting out a sort of half cry half moan, Jack sat heavily back down on the bed, and buried his head in his hands.

"Hush, child," Jack's grandmother said, and squeezed his shoulder with a strong reassuring hand.

Jack felt his face heating up, and he buried his face further, not wanting to look at his grandmother when he said, "Ther's somethin' 'bout me that ya don' know…" his voice trailed off into a sob.

"Honey, there ain't nothin' bout you that yer ole Grammie don' know." She replied, a mixture of understanding and sadness in her voice.

"I'm sorry, I know yer disappoint'd…" Jack began, his voice sounding small, almost like the little boy he was when she had passed away.

"Now you jus' hush with that nonsense John Twist!" She huffed, and sat on the bed next to him, wrapping her arm around his shoulders.

"I ain't nev'r been disappoint'd in ya, an I don't aim ta start. I watched the two of ya boys on that mountain all them years ago, and couldn' help but smile and be so proud of ya. Ya were so happy… don' recall ever seein' ya that happy, before or since. Bout broke my heart when ya went yer separate ways. I watched ya afterward, saw ya marry that little gal in Texas… purty as a picture she is… but I knew that weren' what ya wanted. Knew that blonde hair'd man didn' leave yer mind or yer heart fer even one minute. Saddened me somethin' awful to see ya tryin' so hard to be a good husband and daddy, when all along yer heart was somewhere else… with someone else, an only being happy when ya was with him."

Jack blushed at the knowledge that his grandmother had been watching he and Ennis all these years and she must have noticed the red in his face, because she hugged him and said, with an impish grin, "Don' worry honey, I covered my face during the racy stuff."

Jack blushed even harder at that, but couldn't keep the grin off his face. Then suddenly his face became sad and serious again, and he said, "What's Ennis gonna do without me? He needs me, though he won' nev'r admit it… not even to himself."

"Oh, honey… that's why I'm here. This ain't gonna be easy fer ya to see and hear, but ya need ta before I can explain what's gonna happen."

Taking her arm from around him, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small flat object. Made from glass, shaped like and about the size of a drink coaster. Patting Jack on the back, she handed it to him. Frowning slightly, Jack turned the square of glass over and over in his hand.

"What do I do with this?" he asked.

"Lay it flat in yer palm, and watch." His grandmother said, her voice grave and solemn.

Feeling almost scared, Jack laid the object in the palm of his hand. Almost immediately a tiny moving picture appeared. Jack gasped, and whispered, "Ennis…!" Then in an excited voice he said, "That's Ennis… look, that's my Ennis!"

"Yes, honey… I know… keep watching."

Jack turned his eyes back to the picture on the screen.

* * *

Ennis was at work. Seemed like that was all Ennis Del Mar did anymore. Work was the only thing that kept him going… held back that pain and loneliness that being at home in his miserable trailer never failed to bring down on him.

When the last of the stalls were shoveled, and the horses were all bedded down for the night, Ennis walked slowly across the yard, and knocked on the office door. Poking his head in through the door, he told the foreman that he was headed out and he would see him next week. Although it was only Tuesday, it was also May, which meant that Ennis had taken the rest of the week and the weekend off for his annual fishing trip.

Getting into his truck, Ennis drove quickly… faster then he should have given the narrowness of the road… into town and stopped at the liquor store. He quickly bought four bottles of whiskey, tipped his hat to the clerk, and went back out to his truck.

Before he left that morning, he had placed all of his camping gear and groceries in the bed of the truck. No need to stop at the trailer… he had decided not to take the horses with him on this trip, they were getting older, and somehow riding up in the mountains alone just wasn't as good as it had been with Jack. Hell, weren't nothing as good as it had been with Jack.

"Jack…" he whispered, his voice breaking slightly.

_Dammit, Del Mar… ya ain't even outta town yet and yer already startin' in…_

Ennis drove out of town, and then stomped on the gas, winding his truck up to the highest speed he dared to go without fear of the old truck falling apart around him.

Flying down the highway, he tried with little success to keep his mind from wandering back to all the other times he had driven down this same road. All them times when he had driven fast as he could because he knew that waiting at his journey's end was the one thing that made his life worth living… that when he arrived there would be a man there as anxious to see him as he was to see that man. A man with black hair, blue eyes that rivaled the bluest of summer skies and made Ennis heart thump every time he looked into them, soft full lips that felt and tasted like heaven when pressed against his, arms that were firm but gentle when they held him tight, and hands that made Ennis' blood sing and his groin tighten with only a single touch.

_Not no more though…_ Ennis thought, his heart hurting a bit, and a tightness in his chest causing him to draw a deep breath… _won't be no man there waitin' on me with open arms this time… not never again.  
_  
A single tear ran down Ennis' cheek and flowed un-hindered down his chin to drip on the collar of this shirt.

Heaving a big sigh, Ennis turned off the highway onto the dirt track that led to Pine Creek. Pulling into the open area where they had always parked their trucks, Ennis sat for a moment and gazed at the fire pit… cold and empty… and remembered how Jack had always gotten there before him and had the camp all set up, the fire going, and most times had supper cooking when he arrived.

For a second he saw Jack, rising up from the stump that he always used for a chair, waving, happy grin spreading across his face as the waited for Ennis to park the truck and get out before he ran across the grass and grabbed him in a bear hug that nearly knocked them both flat, whispering, "Ennis… ya sonofabitch… it's real good ta see ya!"

Then Ennis blinked, and fire pit was still cold and empty… the tent was gone… Jack was gone.

Taking a big breath, Ennis climbed from the truck and began setting up his camp.

Once everything was done, and the tent was set up, Ennis went to the truck and fetched the bag with the bottles of whiskey in it. Carrying it with him, he walked over and sat on the log he had always sat on, carefully avoiding the stump where Jack had always sat.

Cracking the seal, Ennis took a long hard drink from the bottle and then sat looking into the fire.

He sat for a long time, staring at the fire and drinking. When one bottle was finished, he reached for a second. Halfway through the second bottle, he let out a low moan, buried his face in his hands and began to cry. Through his tears, raw and pain-filled words spilled.

"Jack… God, how I miss ya, Bud. Wish ya was here… why… why'd ya have to go, … why'd ya leave me…I hate ya Jack Fuckin' Twist… hate ya fer makin' me need ya… hate ya fer dyin' an leavin' me here alone… needin' ya so much … I love ya, Jack… wish I coulda tole ya that…"

Releasing a loud sound… a cross between a sob and a howl, Ennis buried his face in his arms and sobbed hard, his body shaking and small painful sounds coming from deep in his chest.

* * *

In that little white room, Jack thrust the square of glass into his grandmother's hands. Tears ran down his face, and he realized that the front of his shirt was wet. His own chest ached painfully and hitched with barely restrained sobs. Though he tried, he couldn't get the sound of Ennis heart wrenching sobs from his ears. Burying his face in his hands, Jack allowed the tears to flow freely.

"Ennis… oh God Ennis… I'm so sorry fer leavin' ya, Cowboy… I didn' wanna… Oh, God… why did ya have ta show me that… I can' stand to see him hurtin' so bad, and me not bein' there to hold him!"

"John… stop fer a minute and listen to me." Jack's grandmother said, and the urgency in her voice caused Jack to raise his head and look at her.

"We don' have much time… you must listen closely to what I am about to say."

Jack nodded slowly, and wiped his eyes on his sleeve.

"Ennis has been like this for the last seven months, ev'r since he got his postcard back an found out about… yer death."

"Seven months?" Jack whispered, and felt his heart constrict at the thought that Ennis had been suffering like this for all that time, while Jack had been peacefully resting in this little room… didn't seem fair to him.

"Yes, John," his grandmother said impatiently, "seven months! He's not getting' any better. If anythin' his grief gets worse with each passing day. They don' believe that he deserves to suffer so… they have decided to help him, help him to heal. He blames himself fer what happen'd to ya… he won't let himself heal 'cause he thinks he deserves to suffer." Her words were rushed now, as though she was afraid she would not have time to say them all.

"Who's they…" Jack began, but his grandmother cut in and snapped at him impatiently in a tone that Jack had never heard from his good natured Grammie.

"Never mind that now, John! There's no time… Tell me this, do ya love him?"

"Yes, Ma'am, I love him more then anythin'!" Jack answered without a moment's hesitation, and his grandmother smiled warmly.

"Good! That's important… without that love ya cannot help him. They have decided to allow you to go back… for three days. No one will be able to see ya, ya can be heard, but few will know or believe what it is they're hearin'. Go to him, John… make him hear ya… let him know that ya are still with him… that ya are here waitin' for him and that no matter what may happen on earth, you will be here waitin' for him when his time comes to join ya!"

"How do I do that… I don' know if I can… he's so stubborn… he won' believe it's me he's hearin'…"

"Ya will figur' out a way, John… let yer love fer him help ya to find that way."

Suddenly the room began to brighten, and Jack raised his hand to cover his eyes. His grandmother's voice, becoming faint reached his ears as he felt that buoyant, weightlessness taking him over and he felt like he was drifting.

"Three days, John… don' ferget… good luck, honey! I love you… "

* * *

When Jack opened his eyes and looked around it was dark. Glancing quickly around, he spotted a glow of light ahead, and began walking toward it. Strangely, though he could see trees and logs, he did not stumble or bump into anything along the way.

When he stepped out into the clearing, he spotted the campfire and camp setup that he had seen through the viewer, and there, slumped against the log, a half bottle of whiskey still clutched in his hand, was Ennis…


	2. Chapter 1

**_Title:_**_ I'll Be There - Chapter 1__  
_**_Rating:_**_ PG-13 for language__  
_**_Pairing:_**_ Ennis/Jack __  
_**_Summary:_**_ This is not an AU exactly in that it takes place after the end of the original story. In this, everything that happened in the M/SS did happen, and Jack did die… but… he is being given a chance to let Ennis know how he feels and ease his overwhelming grief… I can't say more… it would spoil it… let's just say it is a bit sad… but hopefully the ending will be happy enough to ease that.__  
_**_Disclaimer:_**_ Although they are not mine... they will live in my heart forever... __  
_**_Feedback:_**_ Yes, please... let me know whatcha think. __  
_**_Author's Note:_**_ Ok… a few things you should note, first off, this story is inspired by the song 'I'll Be There' by 'The Escape Club." Because of this, I am taking a verse from the song as a header for each chapter. However, due to the way the story will be played out, the verses may not be in the order they appear in the original song. _

_Secondly, I have made a slight change to the prologue, originally, Jack was to be allowed to return for a month, however, the muses have informed me that 'They' would never allow that much time, therefore, the time that Jack has been allowed to come back for has been changed to 3 days. This seems like a more logical length of time… at least the muses seem to think so._

_Thirdly, I warn you now… there may be some tears with this one, although I hope not so many (not good with writing the tear jerkers!) and that some of them may even be happy ones! J_

_Lastly, I am unsure at this point how many chapters this story will consist of. At this point it looks to be 5 including the Prologue and an Epilogue. I know some of you are grumbling, and I am sorry, but the plot at this point, unfortunately does not require more then that. I have already written the final chapter so all I can say is we will see where the story and the muses lead in order to reach that end. _

_Thank you for reading!_

_**I'll Be There**_

_In the breath of a wind that sighs,__  
__Oh, there's no need to cry__  
__just think of me__  
__and I'll be there_

_**Chapter 1: Tuesday, May 21, 1984, 12:01 am **_

_**Hour 1 of 72**_

Jack stood helplessly and watched as Ennis lay slumped and sobbing beside the camp fire. Feeling tears in his own eyes, Jack squatted down beside the fire wishing he had a stick to poke at the ashes.

Through the tears and sobbing, Jack could occasionally make out a word or two, mostly his name, spoken in broken raw tones.

Finally, after a long while, when the sobbing did not appear to be lessoning, Jack could resist no longer and he cautiously approached Ennis' side.

_Yer a ghost dumbass, what makes ya think there's anythin' ya can do fer him!_

Pushing this thought aside, Jack squatted down next to Ennis' quivering form, and reached his hand out. He jumped and yanked his hand back when it actually came in contact with his coat.

_I can touch him… felt funny… didn't feel like I was touchin' him exac'ly… not like before… but…_

Encouraged, Jack extended his hand again, and gently ran it across Ennis' shoulder, grimacing at the odd feeling but just grateful that he could touch him at all.

"Shhh… it's a'right, Cowboy… don't cry…" He said gently, remembering that his grandmother had said that people would be able to hear him.

Ennis suddenly, mid sob, became quiet and still. His eyes were big, and he cocked his head to one side, as though he were listening.

Excited, Jack placed his hand on Ennis' shoulder and squeezed a bit as he said his name.

"Ennis"

Eyes wider, Ennis began scrambling backward across the ground. Once he was several feet away, he stared at the spot where he had been.

"Shit!" Jack muttered, and sighed before he tried again in a slightly lower tone of voice, "Ennis… don' be 'fraid, cowboy… it's me… Jack!"

"Fuck…" Ennis moaned, looked once at the bottle of whiskey still clutched in his hand and then recoiled from it as though it were a snake. Frantically he flung the bottle away into the darkness, and Jack heard the thud and tinkle of breaking glass against rock.

"Ah, Ennis" Jack said, lowering his head and fighting not to cry. _"Grammie… ya made it sound so easy… but ya jus don' know Ennis… this ain' never gonna work!"_

As Jack sat there with his hands over his face, he heard a very tentative voice whisper, "Jack…?"

He looked up to see Ennis once again cocking his head, listening. Tears were streaming down his face, and he looked more scared then Jack had ever seen him.

After several minutes in which Ennis barely twitched, and Jack argued with himself about whether he should say something and risk scaring him again, Ennis finally moved and stood up on wobbly legs.

Walking back toward the fire he began muttering to himself, "Christ, Del Mar… yer losing yer fuckin' mind! To much damn whiskey… all it was…!" with a grunt of agreement with himself, he walked around the fire, giving the spot where he had been sitting a wide berth.

Still muttering to himself about being 'out of his fuckin' mind,' he picked up the bucket of water he had brought up from the stream earlier, and doused the fire, plunging the camp into darkness. Cursing and bitching about not being able to see, he stumbled over to the tent and climbed inside.

Feeling heavy and disappointed, Jack went and sat next to the tent for a moment, listening while Ennis shuffled around inside getting ready for sleep.

After several minutes, he heard Ennis whisper, "Goodnite, Jack" and a muffled sob and sighed when he realized that Ennis was once again crying. He said very little this time, just sobbed quietly until finally the sobs became further apart, and Ennis' breathing evened out.

When he was sure he was asleep and it wouldn't scare him, Jack whispered, "Goodnite, Ennis."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_**Hour 3 of 72**_

_Seven months… seven goddam months. How many times in them seven months did he cry himself to sleep like that? How many bottles of whiskey has he drunk? Why didn' they let me come to him soon'r… why make him suffer fer such a long time? _

He paced back and forth across the campsite, kicking at rocks and sticks. It was very dark, and Jack could barely see. He kicked at another rock, and cursed as a jolt of pain shot through his foot.

_Shit! I'm a goddamn ghost… whatev'r happen'd to walkin' through shit? Guess all them movies were wrong 'bout that! Wrong about not feelin' pain too… damn that hurts!_

Skirting around the offending rock, he resumed pacing, a slight limp marking the pain that still throbbed through his toes. Soon enough, the pain in his chest overrode his throbbing foot, and he resumed his earlier tirade.

_It ain' fair… it ain' fair that now when Ennis needs me the most, I can't do nothin' to help him! All them years, when I was comin' here to see him, he never needed me… not the way I want'd 'em to…not so's he'd ev'r admit it anyway… now when he finally does…I'm fuckin' dead! Talk about ironic! Jus' like Ennis… waits til I'm gone to figure out he wants me! _

Jack was working himself up into a real snit, kicking and stomping about, swearing and muttering.

Suddenly he heard a muttering snore come from the tent, and the sound of Ennis moving around. He stood still for a minute, waiting to see if Ennis would come out of the tent.

After several minutes with no further noise, Jack started his pacing again.

_How the hell am I ev'r suppos'd ta get him ta hear me? He wouldn' listen ta me when I was alive, why should me bein' dead be any diff'rent"!_

That thought sounded so stupid, that Jack couldn't help but chuckle. That felt so good that he let loose and laughed a loud belly laugh that echoed across the still lake, sounding for all the world like a loon.

Suddenly from the tent behind him he heard Ennis grunt and say clear as day, "Keep it down huh, Jack… tryin' ta get some sleep here!"

Spinning around, Jack stared at the tent. When Ennis didn't say anything else for a minute or two, he walked quietly back over to the tent, and listened. After several minutes, he heard Ennis' soft snores again and realized that Ennis had been talking in his sleep.

Reaching up slowly, he unzipped a tiny opening in the door. He prayed that Ennis was indeed asleep and would not see the door opening and freak out. Peeking in through the opening, he saw Ennis laying on his right side, clutching a pillow to him the same way he used to clutch Jack. He was indeed asleep.

_But he heard me… and he weren't afraid! _

Moving quietly, he unzipped the door enough so he could climb in and then quietly zipped it closed again.

He gazed down at Ennis' sleeping form, his face relaxed and boyish in his sleep, dried tear streaks on his cheeks.

As quietly as he could, he walked over and sat down next to Ennis.

Feeling brave and encouraged by the absence of fear in Ennis' voice Jack reached out and ran his fingers through Ennis' hair. His hand stilled and he gasped a bit when Ennis moved his head slightly, pushing it against Jack's touch and mumbled something that Jack couldn't make out. Slowly Jack brought his hand down to cup Ennis' face, rubbing his thumb over it and wiping away a dried tear track.

A smile played across Ennis' lips, and he nuzzled against Jack's hand, and incredibly, pressed a kiss into his palm. Jack winced at that odd feeling, his chest aching for the feeling of heat and want that used to rush through him when Ennis did this, now it felt no different then any other touch he had experienced thus far that night.

Sighing, deeply saddened by the sudden knowledge that he would never feel that rush of heat and excitement again, Jack removed his hand and from Ennis' face, and stroked a thumb across his eyebrow.

"I miss ya, Ennis…" he whispered, and then jumped when Ennis, still asleep but smiling nonetheless, whispered, "I miss ya too, Lil' darlin'"

5


	3. Chapter 2

**_Title:_**_ I'll Be There - Chapter 2_  
**_Rating:_**_ PG-13 for language__  
_**_Pairing:_**_ Ennis/Jack __  
_**_Summary:_**_ This is not an AU exactly in that it takes place after the end of the original story. In this, everything that happened in the M/SS did happen, and Jack did die… but… he is being given a chance to let Ennis know how he feels and ease his overwhelming grief._

**_Disclaimer:_**_ Although they are not mine... they will live in my heart forever... _  
**_Feedback:_**_ Yes, please... let me know whatcha think. __  
_**_Author's Note: T_**_his story is inspired by the song 'I'll Be There' by 'The Escape Club." Because of this, I am taking a verse from the song as a header for each chapter. However, due to the way the story will be played out, the verses may not be in the order they appear in the original song. Thanks for reading! _**_I have to admit… I am not entirely happy with this chapter… but I have rewritten it numerous times, and this is the best version, so here it is!_**

**_Chapter 2_**

_On the Edge of a Waking Dream,__  
__Over Rivers,__  
__Over Streams,__  
__Through Wind and Rain,__  
__I'll be there_

_"Ennis… can ya hear me?" Jack's voice muttered near his ear and Ennis felt his warm hand on his arm. _

_Ennis replied slowly, his voice laced with uncertainty, "can hear ya… but I can't see ya, bud… where're ya…"_

_Ennis reached out with his hands, trying desperately to touch Jack in the inky blackness._

_"Jack… please… I miss ya, where are ya…?" he continued, his voice now more desperate and pleading as he swept the darkness around him quickly, feeling as Jack were right there, just beyond his fingertips._

_"I know, Cowboy…I'm right here… but ya need ta listen to me fer a minute…" _

_"What, Jack?" Ennis replied, his voice low and gravelly, sounding as though he is about to cry._

_"Ennis… I have ta tell ya that I lo…"_

Ennis' eyes snapped open. For a moment he lay there in his bedroll, sweat pouring off him and anxiety coursing through him.

"Shit!" He muttered crossly, and sat up rubbing his face roughly with his palms.

His dreams had been the same for the last two nights. Ever since he had gotten so drunk and broken down. He didn't know what happened; he only remembered lying there sobbing, when suddenly he heard a noise in the wind that sounded almost like Jack's voice.

Sacred half to death, he had determined that too much whiskey was the cause, and had limited himself on how much he drank since. Now, however, he was beginning to wonder if that were the case. Each night, Jack was coming to him in his dreams. Not a new thing, Jack had been coming to him in his dreams for months. Dreams that had mostly included he and Jack having sex in a variety of different places and ways… sometimes hard and fast, sometimes slow and sweet, sometimes standing, sometimes lying down, sometimes using mouths, hands, fingers and tongues to pleasure each other.

Not all of his dreams had been about sex though, his favorite dreams were of simply lying in each others arms, bodies pressed so close together that they were almost one and just looking into each others eyes, something that Ennis would never have admitted to swelling up in him and making him ache with feelings he had never felt any other time in his life… with any other person. When he woke from each of these dreams, they left him aching for something he knew he would never again have, aching for Jack, for the chance to hold him one last time, look into those intoxicating blue eyes and finally say the words that had been there on his tongue for twenty years but had never found a way out of his mouth.

The last two nights, his dreams had been very different. Instead of dreaming about Jack naked and moaning, he had dreamt that he and Jack were in a pitch black room! He was reaching out blindly in the dark, and Jack was trying to tell him something, but each time he woke up just as Jack was saying what he seemed so desperate to say.

Ennis flopped back into the bedroll, and covered his face with his arm.

"What is it Jack… whatdaya wanna tell me so bad?" Ennis muttered his voice, hoarse and scratchy, muffled behind his arm.

Sitting up abruptly, he jammed his feet into his boots, and stormed out of the tent, grabbed the bucket from beside the fire pit, walked down to the creek bank and stood in the moonlight gazing out at the dark water.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jack sat beside Ennis in the tent, watching the emotions on his face.

_Shit, was so damn close that time! This ain't never gonna work… time's almost up, and I still can't get him to listen_.

He had tried. Each of the last two nights he had crept into the tent and whispered in Ennis' ear, trying over and over, and each time Ennis had woken just as he was about to say the words.

The daylight hours had been no less frustrating. He had followed Ennis all over the place, trying several times to make himself heard, but either Ennis could not hear him when awake and sober, or he was ignoring him… pretending he didn't hear Jack's voice pleading with him to listen.

Several times, Ennis had stopped dead in his steps and cocked his head as though he did hear something, but each time, when Jack had begun talking to him, thinking that he had finally gotten through to him, Ennis had shaken his head vigorously and walked away.

Now his time was almost up. Three days had passed, and his time was now down to less than an hour with no progress at all.

Following Ennis out of the tent, he stood a few feet away and watched Ennis

"Dammit, Ennis Del Mar…" Jack muttered suddenly in a low voice, kicking a rock, and stomping his foot with frustration "damn stubborn jackass…"

Jack continued raging away for a few moments and then suddenly stopped when he turned around to shake his fist at Ennis and spotted him, standing there, a curious and alert look on his face.

Jack looked around, trying to figure out what Ennis was looking at. Several moments passed before Ennis shrugged and started to turn back toward the creek.

"Shit…" Jack muttered, kicked another rock, and jumped a little when Ennis spun around and said in a deep warning voice, "sumbody out there...?"

Throwing up his arms, Jack swore and smacked his forehead, _God am I a dumbass!_

Looking again at Ennis, he took in his demeanor, his face pale in the moonlight and slack hand, bucket handle barely remaining in his grip. He had his attention at last!

Deliberately, Jack kicked another rock, this time aiming it right at Ennis. He watched as Ennis stood frozen watching the rock roll toward him and bump into the toe of his boot.

"Who's there?" Ennis yelled again, a tinge of fear lacing his gruff, stern voice.

Jack took a deep breath, and cleared his throat.

_Here goes nothing!_

"It's me…" he said, his voice a little shaky.

"Ya… and who's that?" Ennis said his voice a little lower, the fear replaced by anger at the thought that there really was someone there.

"Ennis… It's me… Jack." Jack replied, trying to keep his voice as level and reassuring as possible.

Ennis stumbled backward a step and shook his head wildly, "no…no, no, no… I'm just hearin' thin's ag'in…"

"No, cowboy… it really is me… please, don't be scared… I…"

"Shut up!" Ennis yelled suddenly, covering his ears with his hands, "just shut the fuck up… you ain' here Jack… I can't be hearin' ya talkin' ta me cause you're… you're dead!" He choked out this last word, and closed his eyes, squeezing them shut tight to hold back the tears that were threatening to start.

"Dammit Ennis!" Jack suddenly yelled, "I am here, and ya need ta listen ta me… I ain' got much time!" Stooping down, Jack scooped up a handful of rocks and flung them hard into the creek, listening and grinning when he heard the satisfying 'plop, plop, plop" as they hit the water.

Ennis stood stock still barely daring to blink his brain numb from the sight of a knot of rocks rising up and flying into the creek on their own. If not for that telltale sound of them hitting the water, he would have believed that he had imagined it.

"Please, Ennis… ya gotta listen ta me!" Jack pleaded, knowing his time was running out.

Something in the tone of Jack's voice made the fear in Ennis' face change to grief, and bringing his arms down to his sides, Ennis whispered, "Jack… no… it can't be…damn… is it really… no it can' be… it ain' possible!"

"It's true Ennis… I'm here, and I need ta talk ta ya…" Jack started, relief coursing through him… he had finally gotten Ennis to hear him.

In a quavering voice, Ennis interrupted, "Where are ya, Jack… I can't see ya…"

Jack gulped and said in a voice full of sadness, "Ya can't see me cowboy… that's the rules. I can talk ta ya but ya can't see me."

"Oh…" Ennis whispered, his disappointment and sadness replacing some of the disbelief that was still thick in his voice and the way his body slumped.

Suddenly, Jack turned when he heard a familiar voice speaking behind him. Standing on the bank of the creek was his grandmother.

"It's time, John." she said sadly.

"NO!" Jack shouted, shaking his head and taking a step closer to Ennis, "not yet… please Grammie… not yet, I finally got through to him… he's finally hearin' me… please, just a few more minutes!"

"What is it Jack… who… who're ya talkin' to?" Ennis asked.

"Come'on, John… it's time ta go, honey… I'm sorry." Grammie Turner said, and stepped forward, placing a hand on Jack's shoulder.

"WAIT!" Jack yelled, stepping toward Ennis again and talking quickly and frantically,

"Ennis… I gotta go… ain' much time…" Looking behind him, Jack saw that same blinding light starting to build up on the other shore of the creek.

"Shit! Ennis… listen… I…" suddenly the light around him was so bright it hurt his eyes, and he once again felt himself floating weightless, drifting away, Ennis' voice calling his name, echoing behind him.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When he woke, Jack was in that same white room. His grandmother was sitting at his side, her head bowed. He sat bolt upright and looked around, his stomach churning with a mixture of anger and sadness.

Bringing his knees up, he dropped his forehead to rest on them. "I'm sorry, Grammie," he said quietly, his voice filled with tears, "I let ya down…let Ennis down… let everyone down. I had a chance ta tell Ennis how I feel and help 'em to stop hurtin' and I…"

"Enough!"

Jack jumped at the sound of the loud gruff voice that seemed to echo through the small room. He glanced quickly at his grandmother, and wondered at the smile that spread across her face.

"The job must be finished," the voice continued, "if he cannot do it then we will find someone who can!"

The smile grew wider, and Jack's grandmother spoke in a loud clear voice that sounded almost angry, "he can do it… was almost there… he just needs a little more time!"

"Three hours! He has three hours to finish the task. If he does not succeed, we will send someone who can!"

"Sir, it may be best fer him ta return completely… might make it easier…"

"Fine… three hours and not a moment more!"

Jack sat and listened to the conversation, too shocked and startled to speak. Finally, his grandmother turned to him with a smile, "Ok, John… this is yer last chance… ya got three hours… make the most a them."

"I don' understand…" Jack began as the light once again began to engulf him and the weightlessness pulled him along once again.

Suddenly he was standing on the creek bank again. Looking around, he saw Ennis, still standing in the same spot, a confused and stricken look on his face.

"Ennis!" He said loudly, his voice surprised and choked. _They sent me back… they're givin' me another chance!_

6


	4. Chapter 3

**_Title:_**_ I'll Be There - Chapter 3__  
_**_Rating:_**_ PG-13 for language__  
_**_Pairing:_**_ Ennis/Jack __  
_**_Summary:_**_ This is not an AU exactly in that it takes place after the end of the original story. In this, everything that happened in the M/SS did happen, and Jack did die… but… he is being given a chance to let Ennis know how he feels and ease his overwhelming grief.__  
_**_Disclaimer:_**_ Although they are not mine... they will live in my heart forever... __  
__Feedback: Yes, please... let me know whatcha think. __  
_**_Author's Note:_**_ This story is inspired by the song 'I'll Be There' by 'The Escape Club." Because of this, I am taking a verse from the song as a header for each chapter. However, due to the way the story will be played out, the verses may not be in the order they appear in the original song. Thanks for reading!_

**_Chapter 3_**

_Don't be afraid, oh my love,__  
__I'll be watching you from above,__  
__And I'd give all the world tonight,__  
__To be with you.__  
__Cause I'm on your side,__  
__And I still care.__  
__I may have died,__  
__But I've gone no where__  
__Just think of me,__  
__And I'll be there_

"Jack…?" Ennis whispered his voice nearly lost to his loud breathing.

"Yeah, Cowboy… it's me…" Jack replied, his voice slightly choked and hoarse.

"But… but I thought… you said I couldn't…" Ennis stuttered.

"I know, Ennis… I know what I said. I don't know why or how… but I'm here…"

Ennis took a step forward and then hesitated. It had been so long, a whole year, since he had seen Jack, and seven long, agonizing months since he had even had the hope of ever seeing Jack again, and now that he was right there in front of him, he was scared.

Jack smiled but made no attempt to move closer.

"Jack…" Ennis whispered one more time before he crossed the space between them in four long strides and reached for him.

Jack cringed inwardly, knowing that Ennis would recoil at that odd feeling that had replaced the heated connection they had always felt when they touched.

He jumped when Ennis' arms grabbed him, and he was immediately filled with that familiar hot rush of excitement. Gasping, he closed his eyes and brought his arms up, crushing Ennis to him in a hard desperate embrace.

"Damn…" Jack sighed into Ennis shoulder.

"Oh, God… Jack… I miss'd you… missed ya so much… thought I'd nev'r see ya again!" Ennis words came out choked and stilted, his arms clutched so tightly around him that Jack was sure he would leave bruises, and Jack could feel the shoulder of his shirt getting damp.

"I missed you, too Ennis…" Jack whispered, and then pulled back so he could catch Ennis' eyes, "but what's this 'bout not seein' me again?"

"Jack… ya… well…" Ennis' voice cracked and his jaw worked for a minute with no sound coming out. Finally he choked out, "yer dead Jack! I don' know how or why yer here now… but… I jus' never thought…"

"Ennis Del Mar!" Jack said, his voice soft but his manner firm. "Look at me!"

Ennis slowly raised his eyes to Jack's, and Jack fought back the urge to rage, yell and stomp his feet at the agony painted across his cowboy's face. He hated that there was little he could do to take that pain away even though there was nothing he wouldn't give if he could erase every trace of it.

"Oh, Ennis… how… how is it possible, after 20 years of knowin' me… knowin' me better then probably anyone in this world… how is it possible that ya don' know that I won' nev'r leave ya?" He had to stop and swallow hard, choke back the pain and tears that threatened to tear themselves free from his chest.

When he finally had control of himself again, he continued, "I love you, Ennis Del Mer! I know I ain' nev'r said that ta ya… of all the thin's I've regret'd 'bout bein'… gone…. that's the thin' I've regret'd the most… nev'r tellin' ya! I shoulda told ya years ago even if'in ya didn' wanna hear it! I shoulda yelled it ta the sky… shouted it out to the world, and made ya listen whether ya wanted ta or not! I've loved ya since the first time I laid eyes on ya, and I will love ya forev'r. Nothin' … not even bein' dead is gonna take that away…!"

"Jack…" Ennis choked, looking away and fighting to catch his breath before he continued in a low gravelly voice that gave away every bit of the pain he was feeling, "Jack… I…" he swallowed hard, and buried his face in Jack's shoulder, pulling him close again and clutching at him fierce and desperate.

Suddenly, Ennis pulled away, and looked at his feet, "Jack… I got somethin' I wanna say ta ya, but… umm… well… can we go in the tent?"

"Ok…" Jack replied, a crease of confusion between his eyebrows.

Quickly, Ennis grabbed Jack's arm and walked to the tent hauling Jack along behind him. Once they were inside, Ennis began removing his clothes. Jack stood looking at him, desire and disappointment racing through him.

"Umm… Ennis… I don' think I can… well see… I don' think that it's allowed fer me ta…"

"No Jack… ain' like that… I just wanna hold ya… that's all…" Ennis said, his voice pleading and desperate.

Nodding slowly, Jack began removing his own clothes. When they were both naked, Ennis climbed into the bedroll and held a hand out to Jack.

Taking Ennis' hand, Jack climbed into the bedroll and instinctively they came together, arms wrapped around each other tight, bodies pressed against each other, lips pressed together in a chaste kiss, legs tangled together until they could not possibly be closer together. They lay there for some time, kissing slowly, and holding each other tightly, both men simply rejoicing in the fact that they were together again.

After several minutes, Ennis pulled back from the kiss, and moved back enough so that he could look into Jack's eyes.

There they were… those blue eyes that always made his heart beat a little faster when Jack looked at him… those blue eyes that had filled his dreams and haunted him with their owner's unspoken love for nearly all of his life.

Raising a hand to Jack's face, Ennis ran the back of his hand softly over Jack's cheek, and traced his lips with his fingers.

Jack opened his mouth to speak, and Ennis hushed him by pressing a finger to his lips and shaking his head. Closing his eyes for a moment, he argued with himself briefly pushing down his old fears and shyness before he made himself open his eyes.

Looking deep into those eyes, his heart and chest filling with that familiar feeling that had filled his dreams for the past months, Ennis smiled and cupped Jack's jaw with his hand, stroking his cheek with his thumb.

"Jack…there's somethin' I been wantin' ta tell ya fer a long time… never did quite know how ta say it… always thought ya probably knew anyways…" his voice faded out, and his eyes skated away.

"What, Ennis…?" Jack asked, placing a hand gently on Ennis' face.

Dragging his eyes back to meet Jack's again, he drew a deep breath and forced the words to finally leave his mouth, "well… I love you, Darlin'"

Jack grinned, swallowed a lump in his throat and ran a hand across Ennis' flaming red face.

They lay like that for a long time, looking at each other, touching, caressing, sometimes kissing until at last Jack sighed and spoke in a voice full of resignation.

"I can't stay, cowboy… I ain' got much time and there's still somethin' we need to talk 'bout."

Ennis winced, and nodded. He tightened his arms around Jack's back and said in a low voice, "Let's stay like this while we talk… ok?"

"Fine with me," Jack smiled before he spoke again, his voice turning serious and somewhat stern.

"There's a reason why I'm here, Ennis. You ain' been doin' so good lately have ya?"

Ennis shook his head but said nothing.

"When ya first saw me out there, ya said ya didn' think ya would ever see me again. That jus' ain' true. Can't maybe see or hear me, but all ya gotta do is think of me, and I'll be there with ya! An I'll be waitin' fer ya when the time comes... fer us to be together again."Ennis pressed his face into Jack's shoulder, and mumbled something into the space between Jack's shoulder and neck.

"Whasthat, cowboy…?" Jack asked gently, feeling wetness on this shoulder and realizing that Ennis was crying once again.

"Take me with ya…" Ennis repeated, a little louder but still choked and barely audible, "I don' wanna be here without ya no more… my girls… they're all grow'd up now… don' need me… nothin' ta stay here for now."

"God… Ennis… ya have no idea how much I wanna take ya with me… can't hardly stand the thought a leavin' ya again… but… I don' rightly know how thin's work with this… but I got a feelin' it don' work that way." Jack said sadly.

Ennis sighed, and nodded, "Yeah… already know'd that I guess. Goin' be awful hard livin' without ya, bud. Hurt's somethin' fierce when I think on it."

"I know, cowboy. Ain' nothin' ever been easy fer us," he paused for a second and then added with a chuckle, "'cept maybe fightin' and fuckin'."

Ennis laughed along with him before he said, his voice suddenly strong and clear for the first time since entering the tent, "Know one thing that was real easy," Ennis said.

"What's that, Bud?" Jack asked, planting a kiss on Ennis' ear.

"Weren' hard at all ta fall in love with ya, Darlin'… bout the easiest thing I ever did." Ennis said, and leaned in for a quick kiss.

"Only wish it could'a been easier fer us ta be in love… wish I'd a listen'd ta ya bout that dream of yer's… maybe then… well… thing's mighta work'd out different is all," he finished, voice sad and full of regret.

"I know, bud… seems though life didn' quite deal us a fair hand… but… someone once told me 'If ya can't fix it, ya gotta stand it', so I guess that's bout all we can do, huh?"

Ennis nodded again, so choked up by hearing his own words repeated to him that he couldn't find the voice to speak.

They lay there together, drinking in the sight and feel of each other until Jack felt that slight weightlessness beginning to creep back into his body, and he knew his time was short.

Something about the look on his face made Ennis sigh and say in a low voice, "You gotta go now, doncha?"

Jack nodded, his head lowered. Slowly they both stood and dressed. When Jack stepped out of the tent, he noticed that the sun was rising over the trees on the opposite side of the creek and that bright light was beginning to build up behind the tree line.

Turning to Ennis, he grabbed him up in a final embrace, both men clinging to each other.

"I love you, Ennis… go live… I'll be waiting for you…" Jack whispered, and pressed something heavy and cold into Ennis' hand.

Without waiting for a reply, he stepped back, smiled at his cowboy, who smiled back as he stood there with tears streaking down his face, and turned to walk into that bright light that picked him up and swept him away one last time.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ennis stood on the creek bank for several minutes, crying quietly and staring blankly at the place where Jack had disappeared. Finally he became aware of the heavy object that Jack had pressed into his hand, and curious, he lifted his hand to look at it. It was a small flat object. Made from glass, shaped like and about the size of a drink coaster, in the center was a picture of a mountain side, dotted with sheep and rolling mountains reaching off into the distance. There in the picture, standing next to an old pup tent, was Jack.

"I love you too, Darlin'." Ennis whispered as he looked at the object and ran his fingers lovingly over the man pictured there, "Guess I'll see ya around." He murmured, a smile on his lips and tears on his cheeks.

A gust of wind suddenly whistled through the clearing, and Ennis felt the sweet sensation of Jack's soft lips pressed against his ear, and the whisper of a voice achingly familiar, _"Think of me, I'll be there"_

Smiling widely, he tucked the glass object into his shirt pocket and patting it close to his heart, he quickly began breaking camp and headed back down the mountain, for the first time in many years, his heart felt light, and the future looked bright.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"He'll be a'right now… won' he?" Jack asked quietly as he sat watching Ennis break camp and drive away from the place where they had spent so much time together over the years.

"Yes, John," Grammie Turner replied, her arm tightening around his shoulders, "you did real good, honey." Leaning in closer, she whispered in a conspiratorial and scolding voice, "Ya weren' supposed ta give him the viewer, John…" the grin on her face telling him that she knew all along that he would do so.

"Grammie…" Jack asked suddenly, it just occurring to him to ask, "who did all this… who are 'they' and who was it ya were talkin' ta last night?"

Smiling mysteriously, she replied, "Some things are better not answerin' John, let's us just say that all them people down there who know so much 'bout what's right an wrong… ma'be they don' always know s'much as they think they do."

Jack smiled at this and nodded, turning his eyes back to the picture in the viewer, watching the man there, his heart smiling as widely as his mouth with the knowledge that someday they would finally be together, the way they always should have been.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Author's note: Thanks so much for reading this, and for being patient with the slow updates. _

_Angi Tamburo (Amtamburo)_

7


	5. Epilogue

**_Title:_**_ I'll Be There - Epilogue__  
_**_Rating:_**_ PG-13 for language__  
_**_Pairing:_**_ Ennis/Jack __  
_**_Summary:_**_ This is not an AU exactly in that it takes place after the end of the original story. In this, everything that happened in the M/SS did happen, and Jack did die… but… he is being given a chance to let Ennis know how he feels and ease his overwhelming grief.__  
_**_Disclaimer:_**_ Although they are not mine... they will live in my heart forever... __  
_**_Feedback:_**_ Yes, please... let me know whatcha think. __  
_**_Author's Note:_**_ This story is inspired by the song 'I'll Be There' by 'The Escape Club. It was not an easy story to write, but now that it is complete, I am very glad I fought my way through it! Thanks for reading!_

_**Epilogue**_

He has been waiting a long time. Thirty long years have passed since he last held the love of his life in his arms. Throughout those years, he has watched. Watched his love become an in-law, watched his love become a grandparent… watched his love live without him.

At times it has not been easy to see, times when tears shed in a cold lonely bed touched him so deeply and made him ache until he was compelled to return to his love's side, whispering words of comfort and love that he knew his love could hear, though they were rarely acknowledged or responded to, the smile on the weathered face was enough for him to know he was heard.

He has watched with an aching heart as his love, finally having admitted the truth, allowed another to share part of a heart left bereft and empty with his passing. While he has been comforted in knowing that his love has not been pining alone, he has know true fear… fear of being replaced in his love's heart by this new person, but has known a measure of comfort that, from words spoken by lips longing for his own, though his love may care for another, it is nothing in comparison to the love that is felt for him.

Now he watches intently as his love draws the last few breaths of his life without him. He feels a mixture of joy and sorrow at his loves impending passing, for he knows that now is the day that he has been waiting for, for so long, but he also knows the sorrow his love will face at having left loved-ones behind.

As he hears his love's final words to family and friends, words of love and sadness at leaving those that he loves, and words of happiness at being reunited with him at last, he feels sadness, anticipation and relief.

Now as his love draws that last tentative breath, he turns from the sight of grieving friends and family and steps out between canvas flaps… wait almost at an end.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He steps out into the clearing, and looks around slowly. He knows that the one he is seeking is here, has known all these years that his love would be here waiting for him. Finally, he sees a figure standing in front of a slow burning fire.

Smiling, he walks quietly over to that figure, memories of another time so very long ago, when he came upon his love in this same way coursing through his mind.

Walking up behind him, he wraps his arms around those broad, lean shoulders, bringing his lips up to his loves ear, he softly whispers, "Hey now… you're sleeping on your feet like a horse." The firm body in his arms relaxes against him, and the head drops slightly, chin resting briefly on his arm.

They stand that way for several minutes until at last; his love turns in his arms and smiles at him, blue eyes flashing with love and happiness.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You came…" Jack said quietly, reaching out a hand and touching Ennis' chest as though to reassure himself that he is truly there.

"You waited…" Ennis replied, bringing his hand up to cover the firm tanned one resting over his heart.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In a small house far away from the mountain, a red haired woman stands in front of a dresser. Tear stream silently down her face as she removes faded flannel shirts and worn jeans from the drawers.

She removes a pair of very old shirts, faded and frayed, looking as though they had not been worn or washed for many years, almost identical stains on the sleeves of each shirt and tucked one inside the other. As she folds them, a small but heavy object falls from within the folds and lands at her feet. Picking up the object, she  
looks at it carefully. A small flat object, made from glass, shaped like and about the size of a drink coaster. Turning it in her hand, she looks at the picture there and gasps dropping the shirts to the floor.

There, on the face of the glass object is a picture of a man that can only be her daddy. He looks very young, younger even then her youngest son who has just passed his twenty-second birthday. In the picture, he is sitting in front of a fire, back braced against a log, bottle of whiskey in one hand resting on his knee, and his other arm firmly wrapped around another man whose face is familiar to her. On her daddy's face, is a smile that she only remembers having seen once before and his slightly downcast eyes twinkle with a happiness she only ever remembers seeing that same day… the day that his friend came to see him just after her parents divorce.

The other man, whom she recognizes as a younger version of that same friend, sits between her daddy's outstretched legs, his hands resting lightly on her daddy's denim clad legs, and leans against her daddy's chest. His eyes, bluer then the sky that shows above the mountain peak behind them, are sparkling and happy and his face is split into a wide grin, his face slightly, turned, chin lifted to look into her daddy's gaze.

Suddenly, so many things become clear to her, and she smiles as a tear trickles down her cheek. _Thank God, he is happy at last, and where he has always wanted to be._

She smiles, places the glass object back into the pocket of the old shirts, and folds them carefully, hugs them briefly to her chest, and places them in the box of things to keep.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sun breaks free over the top of the mountain, and fills the clearing with bright sunlight as the wind catches and carries sounds of laughter, joy, and love up above the peak where it swirls and spins, carrying on the air the story of a love stronger then life or death itself.

3


End file.
